– “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!!”
– “you arent mad at me right? Oh my god you are! IM SORRY”
– “is this my for me? Can I use this? Can I drink this? Can I-”
– “pls help me make this decision for me”
– “do what you please!!!” “What if that makes everyone mad at me”
-studying people intensely because you are afraid you might do something that will make them mad
– Saying something in a tone louder than usual and feeling like this is your last day alive
– low self stem
– feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted after expressing any sort of feeling and crying right after that
– when someone talks or does something in an attitude thats not usual from them and Knowing That It’s Your Fault
– “i dont deserve this why are you doing this for me”
– not knowing the difference between a joke, sarcasm, and passive aggressive speech
– unhealthily clinging to anyone who’s remotely nice to you
– not knowing what to say NEVER
– not knowing how to react to compliments, nice words, genuine care or anything like that and feeling incredibly sick at the thought of someone genuinely loving you
– Crying.
– having to explain every single movement and word you do and say to literally anyone
– being really good at lying and pretending as a survival strategy
– Not living, surviving.
– calculating and overthinking everything you do and say, the time you say it, how you say it, the expression you have when you say it, your voice tone…everything
– getting panic attacks over the tiniest things
– unhealthily clinging to fictional characters and shows
– lack of energy to do anything because you use a lot of effort in every single movement you do
– “im useless”
– when someone compliments you on something and you needing to be Perfect at it because then you dont have any reason to live
– intrusive thoughts
– Perfectionism
– Over sensitiveness
– “It’s my fault.”
– not knowing how to react about criticism
– Isolation
– getting startled when someone touches you
– being hyperaware of your surroundings and at the same time having no time and space perception
– believing everything everyone says
– Feeling like any day is your last dayWow I… wow.
Is it sad I could check mark almost all of them?
Dollars to Donuts Archive of Our Own

All colors that make this so lovely were done by @sparrowlicious with markers and washi tape. Lines by me. It’s Kylo and Hux at a college party from her HS sweetheart/college AU. I want to steal Hux’s sweatervest and Kylo’s galactic hoodie and wear them myself. X3
Sine Qua Non – TheKnitterati – Star Wars Sequel Trilogy [Archive of Our Own]
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren
Characters: Armitage Hux, Kylo Ren
Additional Tags: Post-Battle of Starkiller Base, Mentions Of Other SW Characters, Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Feelings Realization, Injured Kylo, Prompt Fill, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Summary:Hux retrieves Ren from the crumbling surface of Starkiller Base. Ren realizes that Hux cares about more than Ren’s injuries.
Excerpt:
Ren watched as Hux alternated between examining his wounds and turning to the medkit and pulling items out. The expression on Hux’s face was new to Ren. It wasn’t his typical sneer. He looked tense, which was not new, but there was no anger, no superiority behind it.
“General…why are you here?”
Hux tipped his head slightly, looking puzzled.
“We just rescued you, Ren. I assumed it was evident that your retrieval is why I am here.”
Sine Qua Non – TheKnitterati – Star Wars Sequel Trilogy [Archive of Our Own]
These November’s illustrations are for one rus fic called Call me by my name (Позови меня по имени) in which Kylo and Hux met in a FO’s resort and then had relationships for 5 years but had to break up because of Hux’s promotion and some of his new responsibilities. After two more years Hux got injured and couldn’t talk anymore. Kylo immediately decides to help him. One day, during his visit to Hux’s quarters in order to report him on the ship’s condition, he recalled young Major Hux reading in one of the resort’s garden and understood he still loved him no matter what.

Kylo Ren in typical 80′s/90′s fantasy armor (it gives +50 to protection from evil space gingers ;D ).
***
Here you can find more my Kylux arts.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” & kylux
The Supreme Leader paced his chambers. Meditation and sleep eluded him since the message arrived from General Hux a few hours earlier.
Confidential meeting re developing comradeship within F.O. command.
The only other information was a location (Hux’s chambers) and time (tonight).
Hux’s suite did contain a meeting room, so it was entirely possible that the general wanted to discuss strategies for getting the ex-imperials and the young First Order officers to stop sneering and sniping at each other across the bridge. For just a second, Kylo was entertained by the mental image of Peavey, Yago and their like drifting into space with silent screams on their faces and moisture evaporating into the vacuum from frozen-open eyes.
He read the message again then sent a reply.
Does this issue concern anyone else? Should I bring a scribe?
A reply pinged only two minutes later.
Absolutely not. Treat this matter with utmost secrecy.Kylo smiled and a little of the tightness in his shoulders eased. Perhaps Hux was also unsatisfied with the pace of their… relationship? Could he even call it that, when he could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times he’d admitted Hux to his chambers very late, indulged in soft murmurs and kisses, led him to bed only to see him fall asleep, then listened to him leave long before his usual shift started? It wouldn’t do to be absent from my usual duty pattern, Hux had explained when Kylo grumbled on the third bleary morning. Not with Peavey’s sharp eyes on my back.
Kylo had replied that Hux had a solution for Peavey hidden up his sleeve but Hux had only laughed and left.A few hours later, Kylo walked into Hux’s chambers and halted abruptly.
“Armitage?”
“Ah, Kylo. Good. You’re here.” Armitage appeared from the doorway that led from his semi-public reception room to his private suite.
“Did I misunderstand?” Kylo frowned at the table set up for a meeting. “I thought—“
“Oh! No,” Hux laughed. “Cover story in case you were not interested and came with your retinue.”
“Not interested?” Kylo’s face relaxed. “In what?”
Hux smiled and held out his hand. “Come and see.”
Kylo followed Hux into his private sitting room. There was another table set, but this time with only two chairs and place settings for a meal.
“Have you eaten already?” asked Hux. “I hope not. I chose a time earlier than you usually order your meal. I thought it would be nice to spend some time… getting to know each other. We have been working together for over five years but all I know is that you’re useful in a fight and you have anger issues.”Kylo sat on the chair Hux pulled out for him. Hux sat opposite. A service droid set a range of covered dishes between them and trundled out. Hux removed the covers and Kylo closed his eyes, inhaling the mingle of smells of the herbs and spices of real food. When he opened his eyes, Hux was grinning at him.
“I know it’s frivolous and ration packs provide optimal nutrition but they get so dull. I had Opan bring back a few things from Cantonica. You can get almost anything there. I have no idea what you like to eat so I made a few different things. Cooking is such an indulgent hobby, don’t you think?”
Kylo stared from dish to dish, hand coming up to his mouth in case he was visibly salivating. Hux was pointing at bowls of fragrant, dry spiced meat and caramelised chunks in rich red sauce and herb-coated braised vegetables, describing each one. After a while, Kylo realised Hux had fallen silent and was looking at him.
“Sorry, what?”
“I said,” said Hux, “what would you like to eat?”
“Everything,” replied Kylo.
Hux laughed, speared a chunk of firm-fleshed fish from its sauce and held it out. “Well then, let’s start with Arkanis cuisine. So my military record fails to impress you, but my formative years spent following my mother around Brendol’s kitchens does?”Kylo ate slowly, savouring every mouthful Hux fed him, listening to Hux describe how each dish was made and how he’d be allowed to watch the kitchen staff if he’d promise to sit in the corner and not get in the way, how he’d sneak the big recipe manual from the shelf with hands barely strong enough to hold it and commit to memory lists of exotic-sounding ingredients.
“Of course,” added Hux with a shrug, “I didn’t get the luxury of my own kitchen until I made general. Just before you were delivered from Snoke’s care into mine.”
Kylo laughed, surprised. “Me? In your care? It was the opposite!”
“What are you talking about?” said Hux, leaning back with a forkful of some green vegetable that Kylo would never have believed could be made to taste so good held tantalisingly out of reach. “Snoke said he was sending some young force user to me and I was to see to it that you were allowed to train undisturbed and kept safe.”
Kylo made a lunge across the table, grabbed Hux by the wrist and captured the fork. He hummed with pleasure at the flavour, swallowed and touched his lips.
“Snoke told me he was sending me to be his representative on The Finalizer because the young, hot-headed general needed someone to keep him in check. I remember complaining bitterly at the time, stepping off the shuttle, seeing you and thinking…”Kylo went quiet. Hux fed himself a sliver of the dry spiced meat and followed it with a sip of rich red wine. He watched Kylo and asked, “Thinking what?”
Kylo smiled. “Thinking I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” He took Hux’s wrist again, leaned across the table and kissed him. He dropped his voice to a murmur. “I still wonder.”




