Tag: personal

I think I haven’t really posted anything sad for a long time. Or I hope not. I started going to therapy again, which is a good thing, but my therapist pointed out to me in one session that it sounded like the ‘things I do for fun really stress me out.’ One of those is writing. I thought about that, and it’s true, and I think a lot of that stress actually comes from stuff I see on Tumblr. Even though I’ve worked diligently to block / delete negative blogs and other things I don’t want to see, I still see stuff that is so full of hate, over things that are so ridiculous. 

I saw a client last Thursday at work who tried to kill herself two days later and called to talk to me from the hospital. I spent an hour on the phone listening to this poor guy yesterday sobbing and falling apart that I don’t know how to help. I come home to try to relax and see folks bickering with each other and being ugly over how they and others choose to perceive someone’s body size. I see posts slamming other people’s ideas for their creative outlets, written in demeaning ways that have made me feel bad about myself and feel bad for other people. I get mail in my inbox criticizing stuff that’s just so trivial to me that I can’t even think of a response. 

I hope I’ve tried to be a positive person, and that I’ve tried to correct any instances in which I haven’t been. Maybe the negativity that I see here is minor, and just feels exacerbated by the fact that my real life work is hugely negative and taxing. I don’t know. I do know that after this week, I have no desire to share my writing even with my friends, in case someone’s harboring a dislike for my trope, or doesn’t like who tops, or doesn’t agree with Hux’s body size. I know you can’t please all the people all the time, and I’m sure I worry too much about it, but it’s sad to me to seek community and see so many examples everywhere of rejection, both implicit and explicit. 

I honestly don’t know what to do about it. Maybe go away.